I thought it was time to upgrade my standard of men. I’m in LA so thought, mmm, who’s my ideal man? Donny Darko: Jake Gyllenhaal! He’s my idea of the perfect looking man (Jason Schwatrzman- close second).
I have a very definite type and it’s called Jake.
So, I decided to date him. Maybe even breed with him.
Intention to manifest, set, and then it was just a matter of third dimension drudgery…
Being a magical manifesting alchemist with a magical manifesting soul tribe helps. The attraction process is sped up.
Tuesday I decided to stay in LA and 10 days later, there I was, 2 hours early, in the queue for a tiny private screening and Q&A with dear-future-husband, Jake. For his latest movie “Stronger”.
Just show up, I said to myself. Let chemistry do the rest. You can’t force these things – and he’d feel my vibration, right? I’d be there, in all my first row glory and we’d connect. Destiny would write the rest…
I wanted to come up with a brilliant question that would reflect who I was, but there’s really only one question that interests me these days:
How is this a new narrative for women?
Because what the world doesn’t need is another story about a white male hero. But I knew he was the lead, so that question didn’t feel appropriate. Instead I wrote this on the question card:
“What was your intention in the darkest moments of desperation to overcome the victim mentality. What were you accessing?” (With a helpful acting prompt from my actress friend.) Because no one likes a victim and that was me, toning it down and being appropriate.
Energy aside, I was impossible not to notice. A floor length red leopard print dress, black boots, red hair in a huge wild bun, a multicolored head wrap, with bright lipstick. Like a second helping – just a bit extra.
Throughout the movie, I tried to work out the answer to the question myself. And the answer I came up with surprised me… but back to Jake…
He stepped up onto stage, an arm stretch away from me, in all his husband material glory. Every inch of him, more perfect than the next. Those lips, those hands, that full head of hair! His grey jersey, the dangling silver bracelet, his white soled black shoes. It’s how my sister later described ‘rape culture’ – I was objectifying him and didn’t want to take no for an answer. I could only see: solution Jake in front of me. Except that, I was distracted. My focus was pulled. My mind swam with the mental stimulation of what I’d discovered watching the film and reaffirmed during the Q&A… the power of lust is one thing, but it cannot compete with the most powerful force in the world.
The power of women.
I’d never heard of world famous Tatiana Maslany before (I live on this laptop so I’m not really up to date with anything except how to dismantle the patriarch and create a new world order). She was unexpectedly outstanding. The character she played and how she played her – the girlfriend role has never been more powerful. She was everything. There was a hero in the story. It was her.
The answer to the question that was never read out to be asked was, her. She’s what got Jake’s character through. She personified the externalized solution. Non – codependent Love, in motion. Her resistance to the status quo, her quiet rebellion that things would change, changed him. Her trust in herself and how she wanted to live her life. Her trust that he would step up – literally from legless, to stepping up and walking toward her… it was all her. Her story blew me away. This was a new narrative for women. A woman who trusts. She was the true, unsung hero.
We locked eyes as she walked up on stage. She’s one of the magical soul tribers. An instant connection from a woman who has the ability to fearlessly connect. She’s found comfort in her transparency. It’s powerful.
Jake, on the other hand, didn’t see me. Almost purposefully glazed-over eyes, away from me. Facing toward me to look at her, I was in his direct line of sight. To anyone else, I’d have been impossible to miss. But he couldn’t have been less interested. I was invisible. So much for love at first sight.
Jake: not looking at me
The questions finished. We all stood up. He was right there. It was split second decision – make my move, say something, seal my fate or… I walked toward where Tatiana has exited. I had to congratulate her. Tell her how powerful it was to witness the true hero of the story. How inspired I felt. How empowered, to watch a new narrative for women.
From my mad level of excitement of wanting to meet Jake Gyllenhaal and then actually being in front of him, I realized: the only thing I’m really interested in these days, are new narratives for women. Prince charming’s, picket fences, someone else’s star trajectory – turns out, I’m genuinely not interested.
I want to connect with the free women, write our new narratives. To welcome the return of the wild wolf women rising. I’m all about the Rebella life. It’s time for a creative rebellion, a revolution of expression.
I think the love me, love me, pray he chooses me days… are done.
I mean, if it’s not Jake Gyllenhaal – Jesus, if I’d rather speak to a woman I’d never met before about her work, then I’m only interested in writing what hasn’t been written yet. So watch this space, it’s coming…
With love, from me, to you.