Once upon a time, I jumped

The first time I left was October 2010…

A few months prior I’d had a bumper bashing which resulted in my car being written off. A car had been in front of me as I entered a turning circle. Only I when I hit, did I see it. The car was my husbands. Blocking my way. Poetic how the bashing symbolised the decay of our marriage too. I hadn’t realised it then, I thought we could fix it.

We kept driving to work – couldn’t be late. It was just an accident – nothing to make a fuss over. I shakily followed behind him as he sped down the highway. The bonnet of my car flew up, blinding me. As the cars whizzed past, I thought I’d die on William Nicol. Couldn’t see a thing. Blinded by the bonnet and my tears and fear: what the fuck was happening? Life felt like some hellish nightmare. Priority: work, everything else in the way.

After a few months of sharing, I begged to buy a car so we could move separately between our two homes, hours apart. We sat in my Malva store and googled Black Rav 4; it popped online and across the street. Available at a dealership directly in front of us. We walked there and bought it. Meant to be.

I’m not a person who’s ever named my car, but it symbolised Freedom.

Filled with pink roses, twig art and bags of coffee coin change from a high tea I’d hosted, I packed it with what seemed necessary: life, art and change… and left behind 4 properties, a brand new business and my husband – a boy I’d dreamed would love me since I was 13.

A nervous driver and by that stage nervous wreck, I couldn’t leave alone. The role of knight in shining armour was performed by my co-founder of Malva’s pop up theatre. As usual, this rising star actress, played the part to perfection. I don’t know what I would have done without her.

She took this picture of me. An almost happy moment (WTF am I wearing? Too sad to have cared…) Jumping (like my trampoline childhood) to symbolise the giant leap I’d just made.


I handed my car keys over to sell it. My freedom’s brought me full circle to what’s propels me forward: life, art and change.

I’m selling my car to make art.


Tomorrow I direct my first film as part of the Rebella Art Project. Performance on the 21st and movie screening on the 28th. (Follow the page to get details for the guest list.)

And, at the end of the month I leave on an adventure.

But, before I go to live in a tree house in Bali as a poet, I’m making an important stop in Los Angeles. To visit the woman, who stood beside me, when once upon a time, I jumped.


Once upon a time…

here we go, again…