Some writers write “Whodunit” detective stories. I write “what he did” instead.
It’s not like I’m ‘out to get’ anyone. It’s just that something needs to be said about the consistency of the fuckboy generation that is: dating in Cape Town.
I’m all for new dating experiences. And when I say dating – I mean:
- Hanging out
G_d forbid I attach an expectation to time spent or physical engagement with a guy! I’m not that naïve.
I’m open to the spectrum. But lets just be clear about which side we’re on. Which colour of the rainbow we’re in at which time.
There is a difference between a fuckboy and a Fuck Buddy. (That’s a post in and of itself) but here’s the gist:
If the deal is casual: a smooch-magooch, a kafoefel here and there and, what fun: a new friend – then you’re thinking along the lines of ‘Friends with benefits’. Perhaps in the direction of a straight up Fuck Buddy.
A fuckboy is different. They start off in ‘good guy’ disguise. In severe cases the “is he trying to date me?” type.
A fuckboy will do whatever he can to fuck you and then, fuck you over.
More on this another time, back to the story at hand. Let’s call this story:
That one time I hooked up with the old Jewish dad and he lied to me because he is a fuckboy.
That’s the summary for you. Want details? Let’s go:
Old Dad Dude started his pursue: phone calls every day, texts, check ins. By all accounts ‘dates’ (loose term these days). I thought: a new male friend for 6 months. (My male friendships tend to run their course when the man want’s more but I’ll still step in knowing what’s in store.) I stated the trajectory and he seemed content with just spending time with me. Warning Bell: Lie.
Cut to: the tail end of a girls dinner, a bottle of wine and we kissed.
Some girls like good looking french men, others: nasal novelties.
I can now tick off: nasal Jewish dude pushing 50, with two pre teen kids. Shalom.
I liked meeting him for coffee when he wore his dad jeans. Would people think I was his niece? He seemed like a ‘nice’ guy. Red flag: Nice is usually a mask for ‘not so nice’.
I tried splashing about in the shallow end, knowing I’d never date the guy but: Surface is the problem!
When you’re a person who lays it all out you can’t comprehend a guy’s dodgy dealings under the table.
Your perception reaches only the depth of your darkness.
So if you’re comfortable in the straight up: in the is what it is realm, you literally can’t see the dick-head beneath his pants.
I questioned why I was suddenly being treated like a drive through? I swallowed some of his lies: work stress; a difficult time; kids, but made it clear that even casual includes dinner. Until…
The second weekend of Dad dude giving facetime (time spent that’s documented by tagged Facebook pictures) with a girl I knew. I called him out.
The good old ‘she’s just a friend’ lie was used on both of us. But any ‘friend‘ that’s good enough for multiple public posts is either already seeing more than just a face, or wants to.
Turns out: surprise surprise: my gut was right. He assured her there was nothing between us and although she could have texted to check in with me, you can’t blame a girl for hoping to hook a ‘nice guy’ in Cape Town. The same night that I texted him asking about her, he slept with her.
For 2 weeks, radio silence (while he played her) and then the texts, calls and the “I’m sorry, I miss you” coffee. How ‘confused’ he’d been that I hadn’t wanted to tie him down. Why you wouldn’t go for casual and lie instead, feigning interest, I’ll never know? Maybe it’s an older generation thing?
The fact was, he’d double backed me and other girl and was hunting down a new one. Within 3 weeks of our trio, he had a public girlfriend!
This is why it’s so important for women to talk to each other about the men in their lives.
Over a wine catch up we confirmed dates and realised that this pushing 50 was no more than a fuckboy. I texted Fiddy that the truth was out to which he replied ‘Don’t believe everything you hear’ as if me hearing from the horses mouth wasn’t legit. Or maybe he’d intended the text to his new gf as a pre- warning?
My question remains: why lie? If you’re not exclusively seeing a girl: why call them every day, make excuses and lies about other dates and when you are asked outright about seeing someone else: lie to her face. Just tell the truth. Admit, “I know I said she was just a friend, but actually, we got wasted and hooked up. I’m sorry. Hope we can still be friends” Why go into the ‘Can I take you for dinner?‘ To keep up the charade of ‘nice‘?
I find it hard to believe that Fiddy will miraculously change his lying ways for the next chick in the Cape town queue. All we can do is trust our gut, remain honest about our needs and desires and
When a guy turns out to be false advertising: send out a direct and clear warning to those next in line.
This city is a small place. The sooner we all start talking about who we are ‘seeing’, the sooner we can pick up on liars and cheats. Truth rises to the surface, it always does. And the truth, is all the comfort I need.