I sent one of my male friends my first attempt at a dating focused vlog. First times are always a bit awkward so getting constructive criticism is really helpful. I’m doing the social media for Wan’Go dating app, practicing my vlogging skills and as you know if you’re reading this, have been writing about Love and Dating for a few years. So promoting the wangaopp via a vlog – ideal content creation!
He went off. I’m talking: volcanic eruption. A slew of hard hitting texts for 20 minutes straight. Under the guise of
“I’m taking the time to tell you this because I’m your friend. Nobody else will. Of course you can do that and get paid or whatever but you will get roasted or passively mocked by the rest.”
The collective “rest” – the passive aggressive boetjies snigger because a ‘chick’ – who the fuck does she think she is – puts herself out there and shares her experiences and opinions online. “Embarrassing. Self indulgent. Narcissistic.” Big hits from a ‘friend?’ Because I talk about dating? Write about it? Because I’m promoting a dating app? Or is it that ‘putting myself out there’ is to much for someone who feels not enough?
I’ve been ‘putting myself out’ there since I was born.
I am out there.
He compared my new client to me choosing to be a prostitute. The over reaction was so extreme – I mean the dude ended the chat by announcing he could no longer be my friend. This over reaction in place of constructive criticism relieved massively repressed under reactions elsewhere.
What is it about a woman expressing herself that is so repugnant to certain men? Why would anyone evoke so much anger in another?
“I know you are terrible at dating. Absolutely horrible. Reign it in.”
“Reign it in.” Fit in. Be smaller. Stop the self expression. Who do you think you are to have an opinion? Er, I’m not whatever preconceived notion you’d hoped to squash me into. His sheer confusion that I won’t just date quietly like everyone else. Um, welcome to my blog boy, have you read it?
There is nothing. Wrong. With. Dating. Or writing / talking about it. I wish there was more content about the subject from a South African perspective. The amount of girl friends who think that app dating is not for them but then moan about the lack of potentials is confounding. App dating is simply a new communication channel. And that’s awesome!
“I just see some of your stuff being screen grabbed by some other mates and I get embarrassed for you.”
The good old: it’s not just me, it’s the group’s mentality, so:
Please be ‘normal’ like the rest of us suppress to be.
I find it bizarre when I’m told people I don’t even know are talking about me? When I don’t think of them at all. Rather be looked over, than overlooked – best advice a friend gave me back in the day. Trolls aren’t going anywhere. But they shouldn’t stop you.
Anger masks sadness and is a guise for fear. So what’s really the problem here? When someone lashes out at you, it’s usually a direct projection from them. What they say reveals who they are – not you. Someone who worries about what other people think of them, hasn’t learnt to consider what they think. There’s a massive lack of self-assurance and insecurity. That’s ok, but
If you’ve got nothing nice to say mouse, stop squeaking.
The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.
I listened to the slew of nasty comments. Tried to extract any truths. Then, we used the scared boy’s reaction in our PR meeting for the app, confirming how we really do need to shake up the perception about what dating means to people! #meetingnotmating for one.
The facts are:
- All our stories are interesting ones if they inspire conversation, connection and hope.
- We are not alone in the universe and many of us face the challenges of dating.
- And thirdly,
I run a marketing company and I am going to social the shit out of this app.
It’s not the first time I’ve been told to tone it down, keep quiet etc and it’s not the last. It is time that we stop letting the anger and shame slamming of men keep us disempowered.
There is nothing embarrassing about expressing who you are. That is the point.
If you have a story you’d like to share about what dating means to you, let me know.